Excitable Boy

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
–Oscar Wilde


Have you heard that term, Dear Reader? If you haven’t, be glad! The term is a misnomer, attempting to justify the lowest form of sexist, misogynist, chauvinistic supposedly ‘manly’ behaviour that seems to be on the rise behind computer screens in basements, garages and bachelor pads all over the world.

Where did this asshattery come from?

Some will blame patriarchal structures, some will blame the entitlement modern society instills in its citizens, others will blame multiculturalism or feminism or bad parenting or the downfall of politeness in society. I don’t think it is that easy.

I am a man.

I was brought up with a mix of traditional values an modern thinking, adopting both gentlemanly chivalry and gender equality. I was surrounded by strong women and strong men, by socialism and libertarianism, by traditional values and progressive thinking. I am very confident in myself – in my gender, in my sexuality, in my masculinity. I don’t feel a need to prove myself to others and I know I’m not perfect.

Maybe that’s why I can’t understand this femophobic trend.

As a long time student of the human psyche and culture, I think I have a fair understanding of the more traditional expressions of manhood and patriarchal structures. Some of my views and conclusions may be controversial or speculative, but until I find convincing evidence to the contrary I will stand by them. I can understand the desire to buy sex, to dominate and humiliate (as well as the desire to be dominated and humiliated), to assert control and exaggerate expressions of gender. I can even understand why some resort to violence in the pursuit of such things, though I will never condone or excuse it. But I cannot understand for the life of me understand the reasoning of those who support and express the “neomasculine” views.

They call themselves real men, but they aren’t men at all.

A real man doesn’t need to oppress women to assert himself – real men celebrate strong women instead of feeling threatened by them. A real man is in control of himself and has no problem accepting rejection or accepting a ‘no’ – even if it comes in the middle of intercourse. A real man makes his partner feel safe, cared for and respected – whether it’s a life partner, a a friend with benefits, a one-night stand or hell, even a prostitute! The lowbrows who demean, belittle, ridicule and threaten women (and usually lgbt-people as well) from behind their keyboards and aliases aren’t men at all.

They are excitable boys.

Insecure, immature, insolent children with a false sense of importance and entitlement. They seem to think the world owes them something and they act as if they are they are the ones who are mistreated.

What’s worse is, they aren’t all sociopaths, uneducated halfwits or isolated extremists either. Many of them are educated, intelligent, functioning members of modern society. That’s what frightens me the most. Their level of ignorance cannot be fought with reason and education, nor can it be conquered by violence or be legislated away.

Their mindset is a disease, and it seems to be spreading.

But how can we treat it?


  1. ‘A real man is in control of himself and has no problem accepting rejection or accepting a ‘no’ – even if it comes in the middle of intercourse’.
    Why is that too hard for most men to understand.
    Great post,especially coming from a man.

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