Happiness

Scent from the Past

“Don’t be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again.”
– Richard Bach

Sun

It’s remarkable how intimately our sense of smell is linked to our memories.

The other morning on the bus into town I sat engaged at reading, silently enjoying that pale golden shade of sun you only see in early spring or late autumn, when a young woman sat down next to me. As the scent of her perfume filled my nostrils, my mind filled with memories.

Sixteen years ago almost to the day, the sun coming through her windows had the exact same silvery-golden quality and my nose was filled with that exact same scent. It was the first night we had spent together and I had not yet fallen in love. As I lay there drowsily admiring her sleeping form, trying to decide if I should hold on to the moment or if I should wake her with a kiss and a hope of repeating the events of the night before, her eyes fluttered open and she smiled. We kissed. It was every bit as full of sparks as our first kiss had been, some seven hours earlier.

A few weeks later she told me that she loved me. I watched her sitting by the window in the light of the spring sun, eating muesli mashed together with banana. I felt proud and guilty at the same time, wondering if I could ever feel the same way about her. Later on, we kissed in public for the first time – a big step for a woman not overly fond of public displays of affection.

A few months more and we had slept together for the last time – though neither of us really knew it at the time. I was in love, but knew we had an expiration date. Ours was an entanglement of poetry, flowers, art and breaking rules. It was not meant to last. Having never really been together, we never really had to break up. There was no last goodbye – not even when she moved away, not even when we spoke a few years later, and all the memories I have of her are happy.

The first time I smelled her scent on another was on a crowded city street. All of a sudden my body was alight with passion and I was back in her sun-lit bed, her body pressed so close to mine it almost hurt. I’m back there every time it reaches me, her scent from the past.

I cannot for the life of me recall what scent it is and I’m afraid to ask. I fear the magic will be ruined if I know.


Cups and Companions

“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two people.”
—Aristotle

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Friendships – where would we be without them?

Dear Reader, I am writing this not from my usual desk but from the house of a good friend – one who has featured here on my page several times. Lately, there’s been a lot going on with me and even more going on with those close to me. Things are changing. Without going into specifics, so far this year there have been transitions, deaths, relocations, family issues, misunderstandings and breakdowns going on all around me. This week, it all kind of caught up with me and I crashed.

So here I am, having been offered shelter and care at a friend’s for a few days.

Staying with her has been a most welcome break from my normal routine – life has slowed down and I’m getting more done, focusing. Most of all it has just been good having company and being cared for. It does feel a bit strange, though. Usually I’m the one taking care of others, not being taken care of, but it’s nice being on the other side of it.

Friends are so much more than just support when we are down, though.

They are company and kinship and belonging, an extended family making life into something worth living. You can get by with only a few close friends, of course – sometimes just one well-chosen friend may be more valuable than scores of more superficial acquaintances.

Friendship is one of the most valuable things you can have. Treasure it.

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Photo & Tattoos by Ninni Norrmosse


Happiness and Holidays

“One woman can make you fly like an eagle, another can give you the strength of a lion, but only one in the cycle of life can fill your heart with wonder and the wisdom that you have known a singular joy.”
Deputy Hawk

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“If I didn’t love you so much I’d probably let myself fall in love with you.”

Those words were told to me by one of my closest friends earlier this week, and it is just about the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. It made me genuinely happy, because I feel the exact same way about her – she’s amazing, and I feel very lucky to have her in my life.

My week has been filled with small joys – little surprises and blessings among the every day grime and grind – and as of writing this I feel more content and at ease than I have in a long time. I do not normally care much for the holiday season – I don’t celebrate much at all and last year I did absolutely nothing over christmas beyond the traditional family dinner and a visit with my aforementioned friend at her work place. This year, however, I have no less than seven outings planned in as many days. It feels a bit daunting, but at least I’m off from my day job until well after new years’.

My apologies, Dear Reader, for neglecting the blog during this week – truth be told I have had the time and I’ve sat several times attempting to write, unsuccessfully. This time of year I always exist in a sort of limbo, you see, caught as I am between the end of my birth year and the start of the next calendar year. For me, December is a month of contemplation and transition. I put my life on hold, in a way – waiting for the holidays and the solstice to pass.

It slows me down.


In honour of the season, my recommendations for this week are all connected to friends or relatives of mine: