Mindy McCready

Both Sides Now (Cover)

Nearly two years after her death, another unreleased Mindy McCready song has surfaced – this beautiful rendition of Joni Mitchell’s Both Sides Now:

BOTH SIDES NOW
Lyrics and Music by Joni Mitchell

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere,
I’ve looked at clouds that way.

But now they only block the sun,
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done,
But clouds got in my way.

I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It’s cloud’s illusions that I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels,
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real,
I’ve looked at love that way.

But now it’s just another show,
You leave ’em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know,
Don’t give yourself away.

I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions that I recall
I really don’t know love at all
Really don’t know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud,
To say “I love you” right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds,
I’ve looked at life that way.

But now old friends they’re acting strange,
They shake their heads, they tell me that I’ve changed
Well something’s lost, but something’s gained
In living every day.

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions that I recall
I really don’t know life, really don’t know life at all
Really don’t know life at all…

Happy Birthday

Thirty nine years ago, a boy and a girl were born half a world apart – today, only one of them gets to celebrate.

The boy – me – I’m still here.

The girl – Mindy McCready – lived to be 37.
I cannot really begin to describe what she came to mean to me over the years, so I won’t even try. ‘Quite a lot’ doesn’t really cut it, but it will have to suffice. I only really got to know her a bit and sadly we never had the chance to meet, but even so the loss of her hit me hard.

So, Dear Reader, I celebrate this day in her memory.

Happy Birthday…

Mindy McCready

To say that Mindy led a stormy, troubled life is a bit of an understatement. She moved to Nashville at the age of 18, having promised her mother that if she didn’t make it within a year she would go to college. Exactly 51 weeks later she signed her first record deal. Her debut album Ten Thousand Angels came out in 1996 and went gold in six months, and as the video of the title song reached CMT Europe she appeared on my radar. Over the next few years she released two more albums, but dwindling sales led to Mindy being dropped by her label. It took three years for her to sign with a new company and release her fourth album, Mindy McCready, again to poor sales. Once again she found herself without a label.

Her life took a sharp turn for the worse, and she didn’t release any new material for six years. The song I’m Still Here was released as a download on Mindy’s official website, signaling a return to strength and the upcoming album of the same title. It would be her last.

Her career was back on track, the album sold well, and her life seemed to be turning around for the better again. She was busy being a mother and working on a new record with her boyfriend David Wilson. But on January 13th 2013 Mindy found her soul mate on the porch of their Arkansas home, dying from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Five weeks to the day after his death, she followed him.

– Listen –
I’ll See You Yesterday; Mindy McCready

( photo by unknown )

Into Darkness…

“The more suffering that I go through, the greater character I’ll have. “
―Mindy McCready

TunnelBorder

I crashed – big time.

After weeks of inadequate sleep – induced by heat waves, back problems, thunder storms, alcohol and exploring some of the darker tunnels of my mind – my body finally gave up. Coming home yesterday I took a nap on the couch and woke up with a headache. Figuring dehydration and sleep deprivation, I drank a fair amount of water, made some food and settled back on the couch to doze off to the first season of my favorite show. I barely managed to finish my meal before the headache escalated to migraine levels, cold sweat broke out on my brow and nausea kicked in. An hour or two and multiple rushed trips from the couch to the bathroom floor and back, I drifted off.

For the first few hours, sleep was interrupted by feverish dreams and threats of having to run to the toilet again, as well as the 30 second loop of dvd menu soundbite. I regained coherency long enough to mute the tv, move the wet towel from my face to the table and pull some blankets over my still shivering-but-sweating body, then I passed out.

Seven or so hours later the alarms in my bedroom roused me from sleep. Stumbling in there and turning them off, I passed out on the bed instead and slept heavily for another three hours.

Today I feel rested but weak – my insides too big for my body, my brain not quite wanting to cooperate.

I have managed a bit of thinking between yesterday and today though, and I found what I was looking for in the recesses of my mind: the splinter that has been poking at me for eighteen months now. I still have no place to put it down, therefore I will create that place. This will be a difficult process Dear Reader, so please bear with me – I will spend a lot of time in this darkness. I’m far from seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but I am fairly certain I know the way back out. I have 113 days. I’ll get there.

Now, I have work to do.

I’ll see you Yesterday

“The trouble is, you think you have time.”
—Buddha

MindyMcCready

Today is a day of sadness.

Mindy McCready took her own life this morning – shot herself on the porch of her home, in the same spot where her boyfriend committed suicide just over a month ago. She was 37 years old.

Mindy was born at approximately the same time as me, on the other side of the world, on November 3oth 1975.

I didn’t know that when I first started listening to her music, at the very beginning of her career when we were both only 20. It was a dark time in my life, and her music helped bring me out of it. Since then I have followed the ups and downs of her life, and over the years I came to feel a special connection to her, though I really only got to know her a little bit, personally. I never explained to her what she’d meant to me – out of fear and embarrassment, I guess – and we never got to meet in person. I thought there’d be time for that, later.

When she passed away, years had gone by since we’d had any contact. I meant to write her following David’s suicide, but…well…you think there will always be time, later. Turns out there isn’t.

She led a tumultuous and troubled life, battling many demons – both internal and external. Hopefully that struggle is over now.

Rest in peace Mindy, you’ve earned it – I’ll miss you, and I’ll see you yesterday…