Time

Scent from the Past

“Don’t be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again.”
– Richard Bach

Sun

It’s remarkable how intimately our sense of smell is linked to our memories.

The other morning on the bus into town I sat engaged at reading, silently enjoying that pale golden shade of sun you only see in early spring or late autumn, when a young woman sat down next to me. As the scent of her perfume filled my nostrils, my mind filled with memories.

Sixteen years ago almost to the day, the sun coming through her windows had the exact same silvery-golden quality and my nose was filled with that exact same scent. It was the first night we had spent together and I had not yet fallen in love. As I lay there drowsily admiring her sleeping form, trying to decide if I should hold on to the moment or if I should wake her with a kiss and a hope of repeating the events of the night before, her eyes fluttered open and she smiled. We kissed. It was every bit as full of sparks as our first kiss had been, some seven hours earlier.

A few weeks later she told me that she loved me. I watched her sitting by the window in the light of the spring sun, eating muesli mashed together with banana. I felt proud and guilty at the same time, wondering if I could ever feel the same way about her. Later on, we kissed in public for the first time – a big step for a woman not overly fond of public displays of affection.

A few months more and we had slept together for the last time – though neither of us really knew it at the time. I was in love, but knew we had an expiration date. Ours was an entanglement of poetry, flowers, art and breaking rules. It was not meant to last. Having never really been together, we never really had to break up. There was no last goodbye – not even when she moved away, not even when we spoke a few years later, and all the memories I have of her are happy.

The first time I smelled her scent on another was on a crowded city street. All of a sudden my body was alight with passion and I was back in her sun-lit bed, her body pressed so close to mine it almost hurt. I’m back there every time it reaches me, her scent from the past.

I cannot for the life of me recall what scent it is and I’m afraid to ask. I fear the magic will be ruined if I know.

A Secret Told…

”Art is confession; art is the secret told. But art is not only the desire to tell one’s secret; it is the desire to tell it and hide it at the same time.”
—Thornton Wilder

…and here it is, Dear Reader, my secret told and hidden:

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It’s just a quick sketch; a sloppy doodle.

Yet it holds among its scribbled lines and smudges the entirety of my being at this present time – several layers of meaning and significance – my soul laid bare on paper and screen for all to see and few to understand. But that’s okay.

 During my little mini-vacation from on here last week I had a few personal revelations.

I came face to face with things inside myself and I have since begun to sort through and deal with things in my past and in my present so that I can more accurately plan for the future. Now, if only that was at easy to do as it is to type…but change is rarely easy. Not even when it is sorely needed.

My artistic ambitions for this year and this blog still stand, though.

I will keep making an effort to stick to the word count, image production, and professional goals that I made a month ago – even when it is hard. And it is.

But enough about my personal struggles!

The falling angel above will hopefully mark the transition from the personal to the professional sphere on this page. I’m sure some personal issues will appear – the page is about me, after all – but with a bit of effort I will hopefully be able to provide more interesting topics as well.

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So, until next week – take care, Dear Reader!

Cups and Companions

“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two people.”
—Aristotle

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Friendships – where would we be without them?

Dear Reader, I am writing this not from my usual desk but from the house of a good friend – one who has featured here on my page several times. Lately, there’s been a lot going on with me and even more going on with those close to me. Things are changing. Without going into specifics, so far this year there have been transitions, deaths, relocations, family issues, misunderstandings and breakdowns going on all around me. This week, it all kind of caught up with me and I crashed.

So here I am, having been offered shelter and care at a friend’s for a few days.

Staying with her has been a most welcome break from my normal routine – life has slowed down and I’m getting more done, focusing. Most of all it has just been good having company and being cared for. It does feel a bit strange, though. Usually I’m the one taking care of others, not being taken care of, but it’s nice being on the other side of it.

Friends are so much more than just support when we are down, though.

They are company and kinship and belonging, an extended family making life into something worth living. You can get by with only a few close friends, of course – sometimes just one well-chosen friend may be more valuable than scores of more superficial acquaintances.

Friendship is one of the most valuable things you can have. Treasure it.

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Photo & Tattoos by Ninni Norrmosse

Reading, Writing and Arithmetic

“With every book you buy, you should buy the time to read it.”
—Karl Lagerfeld

Hello Dear Reader – the past week has been more about organizing things, catching up with myself and planning for the future than actually getting anything done. So naturally – as expected – I’m terribly behind on my promised word count. Although, I have started writing two new stories, so I guess that’s something.

Life keeps throwing me curve balls, keeping me on my toes and rearranging my social circles – but it keeps things interesting.

In addition to my previous pledge in regard to creating things, I have also taken on the Popsugar 2015 Reading Challenge (though heaven only knows how I will find the time for that on top of everything else!):

In short, I am setting myself up for failure in multiple areas of my life before year’s end! But hey, the more ambitious I am the more I’ll get done, right?

…right?

Absolutions and Resolutions

“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want and all that is left is compromise.”
—Anaïs Nin

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And so another year has come to greet us, Dear Reader.

Two years ago I made the decision to devote more time to my art – words as well as images – and try to make some form of living off of it. Then life happened. The struggle to live up to my own expectations and goals repeatedly took the back seat to balancing the rest of my life. Things have been rough and chaotic; my life has changed in ways I never expected and wasn’t prepared for, and as a result I have neglected my creative pursuits. But no more.

Things are about to change.

There’s little point in regretting the past or feeling bad about opportunities I did not take. The past is gone and it has made us who we are today, after all. But it is never too late to change. I’m not usually one for New Year’s resolutions – any day is a good day to start changing for the better. But considering that today is already the 7th of January I guess these aren’t really New Year’s resolutions anyway.

So, Dear Reader, my resolutions for this year are as follows:

– I will make it my goal to write a minimum of 300 words a day, on average.
– I will make it my goal to produce a minimum of one piece of art a week, on average.
– I will make it my goal to finish a minimum of one project a month, professionally.

On the chance that I can live up to this schedule, I should end the year with 12 professional projects, 52 new pieces of art, and nearly 100,000 words worth of story. I shall count this week as the starting point, counting from January 4th to January 4th 2016.

Now, let’s hope that this year is more cooperative than its predecessor!

 

Happy New Year

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”
―Theodore Roosevelt

ClockSketchHappy last day of the year, Dear Reader! 2014 was a pretty good year for me.

Artistically, I have branched out, improved, and taken a few steps further toward something resembling an actual career. I haven’t been as productive as I would have liked because I kept myself busier with personal issues than I had expected, but we all struggle to manage the limited time we have each day.

Professionally, both my writing and my visual art has been well received, though it has not yet led to many paying gigs. I have made new contact, though, and my followers on her and twitter have grown from zero to over a thousand. As I ease toward 2015 I feel I have a stable platform to stand on and that I am on my way in the right direction, at least.

Personally, I’ve made a number of new acquaintances, a few new valuable friendships, and I have grown incredible close to an already very valuable friend – a friend who has been invaluable for my personal growth this year. I’ve done a lot of work on myself, dealing with life and personal issues, and I’ve slowly begun sculpting myself into a new and improved me. 2014 has also been the first year of this millenium that I’ve been completely single – something that has been good for me, I think.

Not everything has been all sunshine and roses, of course. It never is.

The year has seen me struggling with my sense of self worth, my self confidence, and my self image – there’s been a lot to deal with on many levels and many of my friends have suffered this year. It has been no small feat to avoid slipping into my old behaviours and patterns, but for the most part I’ve done well.

All in all, though, I can’t really complain.

The good outweighs the bad by a fair measure, which is pretty darn amazing when you think about the state of this world.

I’ll leave you with a little insignificance I penned recently, after an idea I had years ago: In Passing

Happy New Year, Dear Reader – thank you immensely for this year, and I hope to see you in 2015!

Happiness and Holidays

“One woman can make you fly like an eagle, another can give you the strength of a lion, but only one in the cycle of life can fill your heart with wonder and the wisdom that you have known a singular joy.”
―Deputy Hawk

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“If I didn’t love you so much I’d probably let myself fall in love with you.”

Those words were told to me by one of my closest friends earlier this week, and it is just about the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. It made me genuinely happy, because I feel the exact same way about her – she’s amazing, and I feel very lucky to have her in my life.

My week has been filled with small joys – little surprises and blessings among the every day grime and grind – and as of writing this I feel more content and at ease than I have in a long time. I do not normally care much for the holiday season – I don’t celebrate much at all and last year I did absolutely nothing over christmas beyond the traditional family dinner and a visit with my aforementioned friend at her work place. This year, however, I have no less than seven outings planned in as many days. It feels a bit daunting, but at least I’m off from my day job until well after new years’.

My apologies, Dear Reader, for neglecting the blog during this week – truth be told I have had the time and I’ve sat several times attempting to write, unsuccessfully. This time of year I always exist in a sort of limbo, you see, caught as I am between the end of my birth year and the start of the next calendar year. For me, December is a month of contemplation and transition. I put my life on hold, in a way – waiting for the holidays and the solstice to pass.

It slows me down.

In honour of the season, my recommendations for this week are all connected to friends or relatives of mine: