Life

Just another step…

“You’ll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else.”
―Jamie Tworkowski

Time to get this show off the road, don’t you think?

If I have anything to say about it, this will be the first of a series of regular posts on this site. I’ve been meaning to build this place as my ‘Face to the World’ for some time now, but have only ever managed a small sporadic effort. The time has come for that to change.

This is where I will showcase my art; build a portfolio of sorts – where I’ll publish story projects, talk about what I’m working on and where I am headed, ramble about life and art and nspirations, and whatever else strikes my fancy. Like most of my online presence, I will keep this page mainly in English (my apologies to those of you who may have difficulty with the language), BUT I will occasionally put things on here that are in Swedish. It is my native language and I do write a fair amount in Swedish as well (again, my apologies to those of you who may have difficulty with the language).

This isn’t really a new beginning, it’s just another step along the way. I’ve been headed down this road for a lot longer than I have to show for it – all of my life, really. About two years ago I made the decision to stop mucking about and get some direction in my life; start focusing my creative energies into something useful. Then life happened, and for the past two years I have been trying to pick up the pieces of my life and put them back together in new and exciting (and hopefully useful) ways. It hasn’t always been easy; it hasn’t always worked the way I had hoped; it’s been rough on some of the people around me. For all that I have lost these past few years, I have still gained a lot: friends, inspiration, insights – a whole new life, in a way. It’s high time I rolled up my sleeves and really got to work on making it the best life I can.

So with that I welcome you to this site, to this journal, to this window into my soul – and through it share in the next step on my life’s journey. Like the quote up top here says, I’ve needed coffee shops and sunsets and road trips; I’ve needed airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs – but people, more than anything else.

I still do.

Read – Desolation Angels; Jack Kerouac
Watch – About Time; Richard Curtis
Listen – I’m Still Here; Mindy McCready

Nightcrows

“If you neglect your art for one day it will neglect you for two.”
—Chinese proverb

For weeks now I have not been able to draw a proper line, much less a decent image.

Everything I have attempted to create has turned into nothing but so much waste of paper. I don’t know why. Needless to say I haven’t been entirely pleased with the situation – in fact, it has bothered me to no end.

Tonight I was feeling particularly gloomy (for a number reasons that I won’t bore you with) and so instead of going to sleep I poured myself a generous glass of barrel strength Nikki whisky, turned my collection of Mindy McCready tunes to shuffle, and sat down at my desk with the full intention of indulging in a bit of self pity. Absentmindedly I grabbed a pad and a pencil, sat for awhile, then began sketching. My first idea came and went and will be saved for another day, and then Mr Crow started to take shape.

Now, this is a character I have lived with for ages – one who has even invaded my waking life in the real world – but this is the first time he has asked to be put to paper. Neither of us is entirely pleased with the end result you see above, but considering my recent track record and the fact that I wasn’t even going to draw tonight, I won’t complain. Much.

It’s a start.

Mr Crow – Pencil & Sketching crayon on paper, A4.

The Echo of Strangers

“The sadness of the world has different ways of getting to people, but it seems to succeed almost every time.”
— Louis-Ferdinand Céline

I made this little sketch for author Richard Wright‘s project The 52 – an ambitious undertaking to create 52 short stories in as many weeks, inspired by art and photographs submitted specifically for this purpose.

Today, he published our collaboration The Echo of Strangers.

We hope you like it!

It is Time…

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.”
―Richard Bach

…to say good bye.

This little coffee shop has been my home away from home for many years. I first started frequenting it when my first watering hole, visible just behind the lovely barista in the photo, lost their best salesman. As a philosopher, scholar, and rake – he was the center point of a small gathering of intelligent dissidents of modern society. Everything from politics, religion, literature, music, history and the spreading lack of common courtesy was vented and discussed over the coffee urn there, and there were stories told that I will carry with me until the day I die. But I digress!

When that man – now my Brother and Confidante – left his post, there was little point in lingering. The circle of intellectuals scattered to the wind, and I retreated morosely to the other coffee shop, notebook in hand. At first it was just the occasional coffee. Then a sandwhich. Then, as my hours shifted I had a daily coffee break at Gullmarsplan, I hung around more. Slowly I got to talking with some of the staff and some of the regulars, and before I knew it I was spending more and more time there. Now, the shots of espresso I have been served at that counter number well into the thousands, all of the staff know be my name and then some, and I can myself name most of the employees that have come and gone over the past decade.

I’ve met many wonderful people while seated at that counter, and it has served as a place of inspiration, discussion, flirting, and some truly good times! Tonight it is closing for renovations and when it opens again in a fortnight it will be completely remodeled.

The staff will remain, the coffee will be unchanged, the regulars will most likely keep coming in – yet I fear it will never be quite the same…

Inspiration

“Inspiration exists, but it has to find us working.”
―Pablo Picasso

About a week ago I had the sudden urge to draw the likeness of a very special woman. I sat down at my desk, brought up some photos of her on the computer, grabbed a pencil and started sketching.

I failed, miserably.

A few days ago, as I was heading home late on Saturday evening, the same urge returned, even more powerful – and this time I knew exactly what I had to do. I went home, took out my sketching crayons (which had been laying unused for nigh on a decade) and an A4 size paper, opened the photos again and picked one. Four hours of drawing and smudging and erasing later I stopped, looked down at my paper and saw this:

My first ever real attempt at a portrait, fueled entirely by the inspiration she gave me. In my opinion it doesn’t quite capture her as strongly as I wanted to, but it’s close.

I was thrilled and full of wonder – I posted the image to facebook, tagging the lovely lady in question, and received instant praise. Over the next few days I expected my eyes to start finding faults and grow to dislike what I had created, but it didn’t happen. So, today I decided to try again. With myself as the model.

Fully expecting to fail horribly, after 3 hours or so I decided to stop destroying what I had made and I held up the drawing.

I think I can actually do this now…

I’ll see you Yesterday

“The trouble is, you think you have time.”
—Buddha

Today is a day of sadness.

Mindy McCready took her own life this morning – shot herself on the porch of her home, in the same spot where her boyfriend committed suicide just over a month ago. She was 37 years old.

Mindy was born at approximately the same time as me, on the other side of the world, on November 3oth 1975.

I didn’t know that when I first started listening to her music, at the very beginning of her career when we were both only 20. It was a dark time in my life, and her music helped bring me out of it. Since then I have followed the ups and downs of her life, and over the years I came to feel a special connection to her, though I really only got to know her a little bit, personally. I never explained to her what she’d meant to me – out of fear and embarrassment, I guess – and we never got to meet in person. I thought there’d be time for that, later.

When she passed away, years had gone by since we’d had any contact. I meant to write her following David’s suicide, but…well…you think there will always be time, later. Turns out there isn’t.

She led a tumultuous and troubled life, battling many demons – both internal and external. Hopefully that struggle is over now.

Rest in peace Mindy, you’ve earned it – I’ll miss you, and I’ll see you yesterday…

A New Life

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
―Anaïs Nin

So, here goes nothing…

From now on, my day job is only part-time. With a bit of luck and a whole lot of effort, this means that I should be able to focus more on my writing, as well as other creative works. Though knowing myself, and knowing what I have to deal with besides work and creating, it will probably be awhile before I get any semblance of routine into my life.

It’s a leap of faith and there’s nothing in sight below this edge but jagged rocks and churning water, but I’m airborne now. I should be able to grow wings or build a hang glider or something before I’m crushed against the rocks, right?

Right?

And so it begins…

“I saw that my life was a vast glowing empty page and I could do anything I wanted.”
―Jack Kerouac

Hello world, here I am – naked, screaming, full of potential!

You don’t know me yet, and it will be a lifetime until we are truly acquainted with one another, but rest assured that we shall both be irrevocably changed before this friendship is over. My time is now.

I see you.

R Thomas Allwin

ILLUSTRATION – TAROT – WRITING