Life

Happy New Year

Happy New Year, Dear Reader!

I’m not usually one for new year’s resolutions. Instead I tend to do my own version or resolutions and restarting at the start of my personal year – my birthday.

This year, however, is special.

December was unusually hectic for me (in truth, January won’t be much better, but I won’t let that stop me…I hope) and thus I have decided on taking a more traditional approach on this new year’s day.

Each month I will pick one ’30 days to/of/for…’-type book to follow snd complete. At least for the first six months. I have a selection lined up, but haven’t quite decided which book goes with which month yet. Except the first. Chuck Wendig’s ’30 Days in the Word Mines’ will kick-start my year (and, incidentally, my new writing project). Also, I will restart my exercise regime (yeah, yeah, I know, that’s what everyone says), but that’s not all:

The new year also sees a slight upgrade on this blog.

I have redesigned my logo a bit, subtly altered the font here, added social media links, and there will be more updates in the coming months. My plan was to roll out a bigger overhaul today, but, well…like I said it’s been a busy December. Things will just have to take a bit more time.

Here’s hoping 2016 will be good to you and those you care about!

Fear of the Dark

“Worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.”
– Unknown

I wrote this piece a few days after the attacks, but decided to not publish it at that time. Today, however, I read Ngobesing Romanus’ post “What people fear the most” and I thought I’d publish this in response.

It is valid for all types of fear – not just fear of terrorists.

Fear

Let’s talk about fear – about terror.

Whenever an unusual disaster occurs, people start expressing fear. The terror attacks in Paris recently was a telling example of this. My government raised the perceived threat level, various US states stopped accepting refugees from certain areas (or entirely), people interviewed in various media say they feel threatened and more alert – staying away from certain areas, viewing people who appear to be middle eastern with suspicion, avoiding public transportation, etc, etc.

Are you afraid, Dear Reader?

If you are, why? Of what? The odds of getting injured or killed by an accident in our own bathroom far surpasses the risk of being the victim of a terror attack, yet I doubt people are afraid to go into their bathrooms. Few of us fear crossing the street or driving a car; few are afraid of preparing food; more of us fear going on a plane but they are still few in comparison.

At any moment, any number of accidents or assaults could occur – most of which are far more likely than a terrorist attack. So why do so many of us succumb to fear now?

It’s no different than a child’s fear of the dark.

We fear what we don’t understand, what we can’t see, and what we feel we have no control over. We feel powerless and uncertain, which makes us angry and hateful and afraid. And that is exactly what terrorism is all about – making us afraid to live our lives. Creating chaos. Inspiring terror. Making us unfree.

If we succumb to fear we give the object of our fear power over us.

That is exactly what terrorists want. That is exactly what bullies want. That is exactly what sexual predators want. Power and control over our lives.

Instead, “keep calm and carry on”.

That was the advice to the British people during the air raids of WWII. They lived under a very constant, very real threat of getting bombed, every day, yet they were told to go about their lives as best they could.

Be aware, not in fear.

Do not let the terrorists and bullies and criminals of this world control and limit your life. Be aware of the threats that are out there and take reasonable personal measures to protect yourself as needed. By all means, lock your doors and have security measures in place. By all means, avoid taking unnecessary risks in your life. By all means, if you encounter a threat to your person move away from it if at all possible. Be prepared – physically and mentally – for the dangers of life. Be aware of what is going on around you. Know that bad things can happen, but do not let them bother you until they do. You can’t predict where or when or how disaster will strike, so don’t dwell on it.

Do not let oppressors take your life from you while you still breathe – you are worth more.

From the Ashes

The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
—Carl Gustav Jung

Another day, another year, another life.

Yesterday was the last day of my thirties. I have now spent forty years being me, growing into my skin and becoming myself.

But this past year has been truly life-changing.

It has easily been one of the most tumultuous, most significant, most rewarding years of my life – and that’s saying a lot. I’ve fallen, broken down, picked myself up, stumbled, crashed, torn myself apart, patched myself together, burned up, risen from the ashes…and here I stand, old and improved.

It’s been profound.

Now I face another year on this Earth, and it will no doubt be equally life-altering – albeit in different ways. Big things are happening and big things are being planned. The channges I’ve made within myself, in my life, and to my creative work was just the beginning.

I’m still working hard to build myself up again.

And I’m still struggling to find that balance – the balance between art, life, and sanity.

I suspect I always will.

The Enemy Inside

”Normal people think I’m insane.”
—Karl Lagerfeld

BurningSky

Have you ever waged a war against yourself?

Ten days remain of NaNoWriMo and the daily word count I need to make my goal has doubled. Since I’ve averaged about 600 words an hour so far this means I’d need six hours a day of pure writing.

I can do that. But I won’t.

There’s too much else I need to do, for one. Also, my brain is fighting me.

The project I’m working on is a three-part coming-of-age story inspired by events in my own life – a fictionalized auto-biography of sorts. It is the first part of a much larger project and it has been building up inside of me for a long time. It’s a story I’m quite passionate about. But now that it is finally coming together my brain refuses to co-operate.

As soon as I try to shape my writing, my brain suggests other projects.

There’s a list of things I want to write which can be grouped into three larger projects; three themes. It seems no matter which of these I pick, another demands my attention.

The harder I try to focus, the more my brain rebels against me.

Instead of fighting back, I’m trying to trick it. I give my mind a taste of what it wants: an idea to run with, a piece of information to research, an image to describe. Then, as that starts taking form I dive in and put pen to paper on the current project. Part of my brain keeps working on the problem I gave it, and another part starts trying to figure out how my current action ties into that other project.

In letting my mind veer of course I twist it to work for me as well as against me.

Having two different things at the forefront of my mind at the same time can get confusing sometimes, but luckily I’ve had a lot of practice. I’m not sure what diagnosis I should have, if any, but my mind has always done this. I’ve always had several trains of thought running parallel, on separate tracks. Sometimes it’s been a boon, sometimes a curse.

I’m finally learning how to make that into a creative advantage rather than a hindrance.

Stuck in the Middle

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
―Winston Churchill

Chimaerallogograd

Sunday marks the half-way point of NaNoWriMo!

Dear Reader, this is where I wish I could tell you I am at least in sight of the 25,000 words half the month should have netted me. Alas, I can’t. I am closer to a tenth of that number. I expected to be behind – I only had one day so far earmarked for writing only, and I had other projects to finish which would take time out of the remaining days. Also, I knew that writing by hand would hamper productivity.

Still, I hoped to be further along by now.

As fate would have it I lost November 1st (my full day of writing) due to the notebook with my research and outline going missing. It reappeared on the morning of November 2nd, but the lost 12 or so hours I was going to use to get ahead stayed lost. After that, life has seen fit to steal away a great deal of those few hours I had planned to dedicate to writing. Thanks to kicking this old school with pen and paper I have managed to sneak in a few sentences here and there, though – and hopefully life will be kinder during the two remaining weeks.

Will I make it to 50,000? Probably not…

…but I will give it an honest try.

I knew from the start that the goal was unrealistic for me this year.

That doesn’t matter, though. I’m not challenging myself to get a digital badge or a pat on the back. I’m challenging myself because I need the push, and because at the end of the day it doesn’t matter if there are 50,000 or 5,000 or a mere 50 words that weren’t there when I started.

What matters is that I am further along than I would otherwise have been.

Full Circle

“The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.”
— Victor Hugo

 TheSquirrel

Six months ago today, I started on a personal journey.

The ride since then has been wild and shaky and bumpy, but now things seems to have settled and I am back where I started – only stronger, wiser and better than ever before.

I have come full circle.

The track is laid out before me and I am sure of where I am going – both personally and professionally – for the first time in years.

Now the next stretch of this journey awaits.

Things will likely stay hectic and wild and bumpy. They always do, in life – nothing ever goes according to plan. But this time around at least there is a map of sorts to follow.

All of the major crossroads are behind me, for now.

That’s not to say the journey ahead is fully mapped out by any means – there will be choices and uncertainties, surprises and conundrums. But this train is going places! I’m back on track, full of motivation, stoking the engine.

‘Til the wheels come off, babe!

circle

November…

“When you are writing, you’re conjuring. It’s a ritual, and you need to be brave and respectful and sometimes get out of the way of whatever it is that you’re inviting into the room.”
―Tom Waits

EyeSketch

…is just around the corner, Dear Reader, and with it: NaNoWriMo!

If you are unfamiliar with the phenomenon, it’s about writing an entire novel in one month – 50,000 words, to be exact – about the lower limit for what can be called a novel – and the abbreviation stands for “National Novel Writing Month”. This year I plan on making an honest attempt to pen down those 50,000 words before November’s end and the end of my 30s – and I do mean pen! Doing this in long hand will bring both benefits and drawbacks:

  • It will be slower, but I can resist the urge to edit as I go.
  • I can write anywhere without losing continuity, but it will be more difficult to keep an accurate word count.
  • I’ll have to lug two notebooks and at least one pen around all the time, but I’ll be able to use any extra time I get!

The past three years I’ve done increasingly worse at NaNoWriMo. 2012 I fell short by about 12,000 words due to stupidly deleting an entire chapter and then coming down with a high fever the final week. 2013 I made a mistake in research which invalidated three quarters of the first 6-7,000 words, and I spent the rest of the month (and then some) stuck in re-research. 2014 I just said ‘fuck it’ and jumped onto the Movember band wagon instead, producing facial hair instead of words.

This year, I come better prepared and more determined.

I doubt 50K will see me through the entire story, and I’m far from certain my notebook will fit even half the words I need. I’m not even sure I can manage to hand-write 1,667 words a day between my day job and the drawing I need to get done.

But at least I will try.

My aim is to keep you up updated on my progress so you can rejoice in my success or take pity in my failure (or vice versa). Really though, regardless of my exact word count I will be further along in a month than I am today.

So: NaNoWriMo, here I come!

 

Update: Portfolio

PortfolioOctHello Dear Reader, and welcome to my new portfolio!

I have restructured and expanded on my image gallery, but there isn’t much new material posted. Most works have appeared on here, on twitter or on facebook previously, but they have never been gathered in the same place before.

Feel free to have a look!

(The image on the left here links to the portfolio page – sadly it would have been too much work to do a collection of expandable thumbnails on here)

As i think I’ve mentioned before, I’m doing an overhaul of this site.

Last week I reduced the number of categories of my blog to six and restructured things a bit:

Life – posts about what is going on with me, be it personally, professionally, creatively or just randomly overthinking and contemplating something.
Art
– posts that prominently feature my artwork, including Sketch of the Week, portraits, etc.
Commentary – posts offering my views on current events or specific topics.
Feature – posts that feature or promotes another artist, as well as posts on inspiring people in general.Reblog of the Week – my weekly (ahem…) sharing of other blogs.
Word of the Week – my ever popular delvings into the obscure, archaic or arcane nooks and crannies of the English language.

As usual, nothing is set in stone and these categories are subject to change, addition, division, fusion, deletion or transmutation without prior notice. I take little to no responsibility fpr the actions of my future self (you didn’t hear this from me, but that bloke is a madman)!

Also, i have a loose plan of where to go from here.

I am slowly putting my work out there again, testing the waters and throwing out hooks to see if anything will bite or stick or come angrily shambling from the depths looking to end mankind. It’s slow work, but no one else is going to do it!

Finally, a heart-felt Thank You, Dear Reader!

Since rekindling my efforts on here I’ve seen an increased response from You – likes, shares, feedback, views etc. Just over the weekend now I had over 400 views from nearly 100 people, in a single(!) day. I really appreciate it and you are very important to me!

 

Back in the Crowd

“Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor.”
Alexis Carrel

ChimaeralEyes

The ball is rolling again.

I had forgotten the amount of work needed besides the actual creative process – editing, formatting, finding places to submit to, planning, preparing, talking with clients, purchasing materials, etc, etc. The other day I just barely managed to make it on time to my day job because I got stuck preparing a commissioned work.

This week has finally seen a restart of my creative work, though – mostly, I’ve been organisingand picking up resting projects to see what I can make of them. I have been planning for future projects, restocked some supplies, and I made some connections.

That’s the good news.

The bad is that it seems my artistry is veering off my planned course, so that instead of finally kicking off the projects I have been looking forward to I find myself staring down a path filled with entirely new projects. Soul searching and restarting one’s inner life can have that effect, I guess.

Either way though, I’m back in the game.

My biggest challenge now is to manage my days so i can set aside the time i need to keep this ball rolling and still be able to work on myself.

Wish me luck, Dear Reader – or better yet: wish me discipline!